Oh good lord!!!! Help me from punching someone right now. Nothing is more annoying than a guy who is more of a drama queen and more sensitive than a teenage girl. It’s already annoying as hell when some girls do it. Crying over the dumbest shit ever. GTFOH with that shit. Find something like a damn hobby or something to lash out your anger or whatever shitty things that bother you. Buy a punching bag and go all off on the damn thing for all I care. Just shut the fuck up with the whole playing the victim card and how you have it so bad. If you’re that sad or unhappy with shit, then do something about it instead of whining like a punk. 

If you don’t take action in your own damn life then you settle for shit. And when you don’t take a stand to change things around, that’s on you and only you. There’s no in between. It’s as simple as that. 

Something about the sounds of a guitar & ukulele just bring up my mood no matter what. Saw my ukulele collecting dust and just cleaned it, tuned it, and tried to learn a song I forgot how to play and it reminded me how much I love music. Now that summer is coming up soon, more jam sessions are definitely going down even if I’m with people who don’t play or sing. I’ve made a huge step in being more courageous posting a random video of me singing to my extended family & friends who either forgot I loved to sing or never knew. I’m glad I did because it showed me I should never be afraid of what I love to do. The feedback I got was a shock too. Ever since I’ve  been posting more and more. Still need a lot to work on, especially the nerves. Little by little they’re going away. All I know is that I’m pretty damn happy! 

Someone asked me why I wasn’t looking for someone to be with and all this other mumbo jumbo thinking I’m sad that I don’t have someone to call my own. Let me just put this out there, you say that as if people are objects that you can just own and that’s where so many people go wrong in relationships. At least that’s how I see it. Oh and newsflash, I’m not the only one out of everyone I know who is single. Not to mention that I’ve seen more people who happen to be with someone to be miserable than those I know who are single. I don’t know what made it seem like I’m sad and shit because I’m far from that. The way I see it, one should not put way too much focus on having a significant other as if it’s a do or die situation. I’ve seen too many people have that mentality and that’s just unfortunate. Learn to be happy with yourself. Learn that you don’t always need to depend on someone to LOVE you to feel amazing, important, or that you’re the shit lol. And if you’re not happy with someone then just leave. 

People trying to act like they give a damn when they just like to snoop and shit. Do yourself a favor and worry about yourself instead of my life. 

Being discouraged from someone who is supposed to encourage you through your journey blows. But that’s okay, I’m doing this for me! I will conquer this journey. It won’t be easy and it’s going to take time but nothing worthy of gaining is easy. It’s not meant to be easy. If it was, we wouldn’t grow at all. 

When you feel like you were about to pass out and give up in the middle of a workout but you push yourself to finish it and do a little more than you thought you would be able to do. Yeah, that feeling is really good. We tend to surprise ourselves sometimes. Goes to show you should always put in the effort despite whatever is in your way. 

Feeling more motivated, even a bit proud. These lifestyle changes are going to become habits. It’s all a progress and as long as I keep at it, I will get to where I want to be and more. (: 

No one asked you to stay down for anyone. You stay down for others if that’s what you want. If that’s what you’re genuinely feeling. Don’t act like you were forced or anything. I’m not about that whatsoever. Keep doing you, I accept that. But I’m not down for people who are shady and all talk just to make themselves look good. All I ask is you don’t go astray when I need you the most, accept me & my ways, and just downright care for me. But I forgot that that’s asking for too much these days from people. Didn’t know it was that difficult of a thing to do for people. This is why I keep my circle really small. 

Best believe I’m not hesitant to cut people off. I don’t need to waste my energy around negative and fake people. You good bruh, sayonara. 

Got the call last night, she passed away. Even then she was still fighting. That’s what I’ll always remember and admire, how strong of a person she was. Stubborn, but very strong lol. But hey, we all have our ways right? Don’t know how I’ll hold up when it’s time for the viewing. In time, I’ll be okay. Rest now tia, for you are not suffering anymore.

I’m sitting here in this hospital trying my best not to break down. It’s only getting worse with my aunt. They say it could be days and I can’t even grasp all of this. She didn’t look anywhere near like she does now the last time we visited her.

Grown? Yes I have but I’m still growing. Never stop learning how to better yourself and whatever it is you love to do. Life is always changing and forever beautiful. I’ve done what I’ve done, said things here & there, and believe me when I say they were said & done with genuine & positive intentions but never will I stoop to a level to change who I am for someone. Stay down for me through whatever if you can & want to. If not, that’s fine.  

Looking back and reflecting on everything has made me realize how much I’ve grown as a person. I learned how to really love myself. How to not give a damn about other’s thoughts and what they say about me. It’s not my concern whatsoever. All that matters is how I feel when it comes to myself. I learned to be more confident. Still am learning & breaking out of my shell and by doing so people learned things about me that they never knew and it honestly felt good to hear the positive feedback. NEVER will I put myself in a box again and hold myself back from what I truly want. I’m more in tune with peace especially when I’m alone and enjoying the time to myself or I’m surrounded by the people who are in my life. 

I love everything right now and I’m going to keep it that way. Try to step on my happy & I will laugh in your damn face. Simple as that. 

Damn, time flies by like it’s nobody’s business. Despite 2013 having it’s tough times here and there, the good moments outweighed them. I’ve grown to accept certain things. I’ve let go of unnecessary crap. Learned to be more okay with things I can’t always control. All the anger I had I finally let go and learned to forgive those who’ve done wrong and aren’t in my life anymore. By doing so I let myself out of this box I was stuck in. I was genuinely at peace with myself and life in general. I was able to not give a damn about what other people had to say or think and do what I wanted to make me happy. I was able to enjoy life for what it is. I’m more confident than I was before. I’m slowly growing out of my shell. I’m just past a lot of things that were holding me back. I’ve made it a point to not let anything or anyone ruin my happiness. We are in control of our own lives and it’s up to ourselves at the end of the day. After all that’s been said and done, whether 2013 was good or bad to you, I hope this year is far more better for you. Make sure that whatever you decide to take up or continue to do that it’s something YOU really want and love. Don’t limit yourself to mediocre things and do what the heck you want. You deserve to be happy whether you realize it or not. Ok, I should stop before I keep rambling. Haha. Happy new year everyone.

Am I crazy for thinking I saw you the other day? It was crazy how someone random can look almost exactly like someone. Sucks you’re not here anymore. I wish I could have another conversation about MMA, Lakers, Supernatural, or just life in general. I had a breakdown in the car moments after it happened. I’m just happy I got the chance to know such a great soul. Someday, we’ll get to have another one of our hilarious conversations again. 

What you need to understand is that I don’t like you. I have my reasons as to why I don’t and I don’t have to explain myself. Not everyone is going to like you and sometimes you may never know the reasons why. It is what it is. The world doesn’t revolve around you & only you. Above all that, it doesn’t make me a bad person for not liking someone. Get out of here with that shit. It would be a different case if I was disrespecting you for the heck of it and talking shit which isn’t the case because I don’t like doing that shit. I’m not about that. I’m just doing my own thing, being me, and surrounding myself with those I want to be around.

It’s quite funny when people that did others wrong try to make you look like the bad person. But I know what I have and haven’t done & I will be the first to say I did something wrong & apologize if that were the case. I’m not sorry for doing things for me nor will I ever apologize for it as long as I’m not hurting other people in the process. 

>=|

People never fail to be on some stupid shit. 

You could get me the smallest thing with a tiger on it & I’d be really happy. I just LOVE tigers. The most beautiful, majestic, & fierce animal out there. 

Never have I been able to really finish writing a song. At least not one that’s good enough. Been sitting here all night with this pen in my hand just going crazy on this paper. Every jumbled thought that involves the reason for what I’m trying to write is being put in there. I guess I just need to lay it all out. Every single sentiment I’m feeling over this unfortunate event. Whether I can put it together well or not is beyond me. Doesn’t hurt to try right?

I wish you were still here…..