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All I ask for people I hold close to my heart whether you’re family or a friend is to just be upfront with me. None of that bullshit where you tell me one thing when it’s actually a different thing. Just like I’ll be upfront with you and be honest, that’s all i expect you to be with me. What’s even worse is finding out from someone else that what you told me isn’t true. If you don’t want to or whatever the case may be, say so. Don’t beat around the bush, don’t tell me something else as if something else came up or whatever bullshit reason you can come up to get out of it. It’s okay for you to not want to do something, it’s okay if whoever you’re with doesn’t want to be around me. Quite frankly, I don’t give a damn. But if you have to lie about it to me, then fuck that. I’ll be okay as long as you tell me the downright truth. It’s simple as that.
I don’t like promises, they tend to be broken. Don’t make me promises. Just do what you intend to do genuinely instead of saying this & that. Words don’t mean much to me. If you’re not down to be there through everything, then what are you doing here?
It’s funny how we’ve always been there for you and whatnot even when we’ve had our own trials and tribulations to deal with just like the rest of the world. We would go out of our way to help you when you needed it, sometimes when you never asked for help. But the one time we ask for some help that won’t even cost money you’re quick to say no & you want to pull some crap and say, “My life doesn’t revolve around you guys and i’m not in the mood to talk because my relationship with so and so is going down the drain.” Are you fucking kidding me? What damn relationship? You barely know the person and you only use him. I can’t believe the audacity of some people. I’m heated.
It’s sad how the people who are supposed to be there when you’re in need like you’d be for them can’t even pull through on the most simple things ever.
Beyond pissed off. I won’t be surprised if this person calls or texts back with some more bull and will ask for something. Forget that, it ain’t happening.
Am I supposed to cry or something? I may be mad but i’m not going so waste my time crying or whatever the heck it is you think I’d be doing. You won’t get that satisfaction of trying to pull some bullshit with me and me being down about it. Maybe if you had done this a while back when I was still too nice and cared way too much, then I’d be really hurt and shed a few tears. That’s not the case nowadays.
My shield is stronger & thicker, and my wall is higher than ever.
Good & bad, mainly the bad. Can’t stop thinking about certain things and how they turned out. The what ifs and all that crap. It’s kind of taking me to an unhappy place. I keep thinking of certain thoughts over and over even when I know the reality of things.
Hate being an insomniac, my mind wanders way too much late at night.
I was choked up from tearing up when I heard those exact words, “she overcame Aplastic Anemia”.
“I heard those magic words. ” You’re in remission.” While some characteristics of the disease remain, I, for the first time in 4 years, am FREE. So what does this mean? It means I will no longer have to take immunosuppresive therapy, no separations from my family and friends, no nasty side effects, no bone marrow aspirations, no blood transfusions. It also means running, biking, mountain climbing, and an incredible sense of joy as I finally become a SURVIVOR. To my family, friends, and the love of my life: Thank you for constant prayers, your positive energies, your unconditional love and support. I love you from the bottom of my heart and could not have done this without you.”
That is what she recently put up. I’m so happy right now. Good things do happen as long as you keep your head up and think positive. You have to stay strong even when it feels like you can’t put up a fight anymore. It’s been hard being so far away from someone I care about and knowing she was going through a tough time and in pain most of the time. But I had to stay positive. This means she can actually fly out here when the rest of the family visits again!(:
I’ve had a friend or two that I wasn’t really close with pass away, but never someone in my family or a close friend. I don’t think I could handle such pain, even though it is possible to get through it from what I’ve seen but still, it’s sad to see anyone pass away, but when it’s a little kid, it’s just wow. Sometimes you just have to stop, forget all of the stressful and bad things and take a minute to realize how lucky we all are to wake up to another day. To see the people you care about, cherish those moments. We all have days where even family can clash with each other and go at it, but at the end of the day, don’t take for granted what you have and who is in your life.
I can hear this or that, see certain things and if it’s about me and intended to hurt me for whatever reason, it won’t get to me. At least not anymore. I will not sit there, cry, or give in to whatever your intent was with your words or actions. Even so, some things still burn. After all, I’m only human and sometimes feelings are hard to control. Just know one thing, you can say whatever the heck you want about me behind my back, but just remember things will always surface one way or another. I could go with the easy route and go off on you, but I choose to be the bigger person in situations like these. Not because I’m too nice or whatever you think, but because even if it does hurt, whatever you say is and always will be irrelevant at the end of the day, whether you’re family or not. You don’t put a roof over my head or anything. So go ahead, say what you want. I will never break over your words. I’ll be damned if I let you affect me like that.
Had to help do some yard work with my dad but after that went to the VMAs. All that waiting in that long ass line was cruel but the best part hands down was Frank Ocean(: One Direction was actually pretty good live as well. That power walk out of the Staples Center, across the street, and up five flights of stairs to the car did some damage to my already messed up knee though >.< haha. Oh well, gotta deal.
I am exhausted. Time for some sleep.
Had a lot of fun in San Francisco. Bummed out that we didn’t get to go to Alcatraz though because they ran out of tickets >.< lol. Oh well, definitely going back someday & I plan on staying longer. :D
It’s about damn time already. Things always got in the way when I had chances to go and this time it’s really happening. Rented a 12 seater and everything :D
Tennis, basketball, running, whatever the case may be. Planning on taking him to the place I went hiking before. He’s even pushing me to go back into songwriting and actually do something with singing since he has a bunch of tracks and whatnot. I need to stop holding back from a lot of things. The downfall of being shy >.< But on another note, I’m really happy now(:
My cousin arrived last night. He woke up so early today and we went to the park. Played some tennis and worked out more after that. Made me run around the damn park too haha. First time doing any kind of workout after my fall and messing up my knee and ankle. Let me just say it felt really good. It’s going to take some getting used to again, but I can handle and I will be where I want to be as long as I keep this up! I’m in good mood. I’m content with how things are right now. I’m working on this whole being positive no matter what thing hahaha.(:
So glad that’s over. Not even a month into the damn thing and the words “I Love You” come out? Get out of here with that because you’re on some other shit with that mess. Getting mad because I’ve been very busy with family and whatnot. I honestly can’t stand when a guy acts like a bitch. >.<
She even came out of her car right in front of us and whatnot. I was stuck in awe that I didn’t even take a picture when I had my camera in my hand that very moment -_- hahaha. Being in the pit was crazy, some people get too damn crazy in those things. But it was definitely amazing!(: